Clerkship Done

Two days ago, on Friday, I had my last day of my clerkship. Well, the core rotations at least, with electives still to come.

I expected to be happy, even elated finishing up on Friday. Instead, I was just tired. It was the end of a 12 hour shift, the same as the rest of the week. Due to electives concerns, extra-curriculars, and general life stuff, I'd been sleeping about 2 hours less per night than I normally need to feel rested. My final rotation was useful and all the people were extremely nice, but it wasn't a specialty I consider all that interesting either. Combined, I was running on fumes by the end of the day Friday. Knowing that the residents were all working even more than I was didn't exactly help - it's hard to feel justified in being tired when everyone around you is working with even less sleep.

In any case, I was pretty miserable. I felt even worse knowing that it should have been a very happy time, that I should have felt good about my accomplishment of at least minor significance.

Fast forward to today. Saturday I had an all-day event related to one of my extra-curriculars. It ended up being an equally tiring day. Still didn't get much sleep the night before. Still had basically a 12 hour day. Still had a lot of other life stuff going on. Yet Saturday was spent on an event I enjoy doing, an activity I voluntarily chose to do. I finished the day equally exhausted, but happy this time around.

I'll have a lot more to say about clerkship in the next few days and weeks. I'm glad to being moving onto the stage where I'll have a modicum of control over my activities. I complain - a lot - about having long hours and being worked too hard while in medicine, especially in clerkship, but that's not really what bothers me. I worked hard to get into medical school and loved every day of it. What gets to me about medicine now is that I'm working so hard and for so long on things I don't care about, or don't consider overly useful. When I do get to spend my energy on productive activities, on work that I enjoy and chose to participate in, it's far easier to keep going forward with enthusiasm and passion.

In the end, I'm thankful to be done clerkship. It gets me one step closer to the career I signed up for at the beginning of medical school.

Still, after 12 months of rotations through just about every field in medicine, I'm mostly thankful for a day that is truly "off", for some rest and relaxation. I get a week off and I intend to take full advantage.

Addendum - Just before publishing this post, I wound up unintentionally falling asleep on the couch for 3+ hours. Woke up feeling more rested than I have in months. It's going to be a good week.